Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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