Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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