what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
