Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
