I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
