why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
