Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Couch. On fire.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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