if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
