Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
