Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
