i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
