are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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