it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I need moral support for this bender
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
