Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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