and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
