k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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