Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
