He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
