Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
