If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize