Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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