I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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