well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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