Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
