It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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