It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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