Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
