he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
