I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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