i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
