I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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