Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
