i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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