do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
