curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
