I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You smell like stripper and shame
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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