So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize