hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
