does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Screwed.edu
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
