so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
