What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
