one might say we're banned from that church
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
