Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
