its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
