it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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