For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Randomize
