tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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