he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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