She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
