why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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