It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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