So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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