I heard we made out
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
