Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
