left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
