This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
