foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize