the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just cropdusted the office
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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