And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
