All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
