I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
