i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
