This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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