I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
