Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
