told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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