yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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