True but thats because hes a fetus.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize