The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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