you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
