i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
