no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
