i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
