so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
