4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize