good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
