i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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