Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
