you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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