guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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