We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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