is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
