all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
