Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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