we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
