In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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