doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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