I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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