So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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