I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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