so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
