dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
