There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
