ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You smell like stripper and shame
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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