So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
look no pants
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
