so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
