Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
