dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
