She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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