I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
