Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dicks are not precious.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
