one might say we're banned from that church
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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