I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
